Wednesday 10th January 2018 - Regrets? I've had a few

I find it absurd and rather egotistical when people say they have no regrets in life.

It implies a lifetime of precise decision making and never a misplaced spoken or written word. A perfect life without a slip in word or deed. Balderdash!

No word or deed is ever unconsidered, if only for a moment, before being given life in the world & every action has implications. Cause & effect.

One need not dwell on past indiscretions or self-flagellate over missed opportunity, I suppose (though I admit I can't help myself). Particularly when an otherwise useful, productive and fulfilling existence has been had but surely only the psychopathic or sociopathic amongst us can be reminded of past events without feeling something; happiness, sadness, pride, remorse - the yin and yang experiences which serve to shape us. It is the weight that we choose to give each side that determines our own satisfaction and that is down to personality, which is largely formed in our early years and beyond our control.

My regrets are many. Chief amongst them, the soul-destroying years of unfulfilling office work, I always considered a necessary & selfless duty in order to put food on the table and a roof over the heads of a young family. On reflection, I should have done more to change the course of my life. It would not have been selfish to take the risk and explore other avenues more fully. Indeed, the angst and depression I felt must surely have affected my nearest and dearest to the point that any economic benefit from my persistence may have been offset entirely. Ergo, the consequences of inaction may be as detrimental as misplaced action.

I can have no regret about marriage and raising children. It's easy to rationalise that the whole point of anyone's existence is to ensure the survival of the species. Whether or not my own contributions to the human gene pool have been worthwhile, we may never know but to the extent that I have fulfilled my singular purpose for being I should be satisfied.

The question is, what is left to do now. Kids are fledged, I'm 53, broke & have almost no income. That roof I suffered selflessly for will surely be gone before long. Had I followed my artistic instincts and pursued photography and writing more vigorously, I might now be reaping the psychological & financial rewards. Both, I can confidently say, would at least have been much improved. Could I have played the game at interview & won that scholarship -Yes. Ought I to have taken that opportunity to study for a degree 15 years ago - Yes. Certainly, I have regrets and so should everyone else. Ultimately, it is to the degree that these affect others or they gnaw at your own psyche that really matters.

Comments and contributions are gratefully received, both positive and negative. Please leave something if you have the time. Thanks for reading.

Life & Biography Writing for Friends, Family History & As A Personal Historian

Some time ago, when I was devoting much time to researching my family tree, I produced some documents that I intended to use for information gathering purposes.

These were initially intended to serve as skeleton questionnaires for the interviewing of older family members and would inform both about the individual & hopefully prompt recollections of other, perhaps largely forgotten about ancestors. As is the norm, this initial idea quickly expanded and I thought about developing them further so that I might become a Personal Historian and produce biographies for others to leave for their own families.

With the development of Information Technology, the production and publication of professionally printed & bound biographies for the 'unfamous' is now available to many at reasonable cost.

Whilst I didn't take the project all the way to fruition at the time, save for one family member, a lot of hard work & a little plagiarism went in to the production of some pretty solid questionnaires amounting to in excess of 400 questions. Many of these serve well as prompts for supplementary questions that enable a deeper insight into a life story.

Have you started or thought about putting pen to paper or fingers to keyboard & immediately got stuck? We all have those moments when a long forgotten memory suddenly springs into our consciousness & lives again. This will often happen during a conversation but is frequently triggered by sensory stimuli. To aid recall, consider trying to aid the recall process sights, sounds & smells fom your past.

Sights might include that box of old photographs in the attic, some cine film (which is easily converted to digital these days), an old movie you watched or a visit to a gallery etc.

Sounds could be a favourite piece of music from your youth, the clackety-clack of a railroad, a ship's horn in the harbour or something from the natural world.

Smells that are useful include those of food cooking. Consider preparing something that grandma used to make you. Or, maybe it's flowers or pine-cones or a camomile lawn or the fish market or an open fire.

If there are any readers who would like assistance with writing, proof reading and/or publishing their own life stories, please use the contact form to the right of this page & I will be happy to help.

Alternatively, I can email you copies of the structured questionnaire & some more handy hints and advice. If they are of use and any value to you and you are financially able a click on the donate button to the right would be greatly appreciated. I would wish you well anyway with your endeavours.